"Jealous Elis"

So, yesterday Whoa and I had made plans to go to lunch ..... in the middle of the day I sent him a picture and he wrote back to tell me how beautiful he thought I was.... I assumed he was busy so I excused him from lunch plans..... I didn't plan on seeing him again until today.... So when it was time for bed I wrote to him and told him good-night... At 2 a.m. he called me sounding half asleep saying he wanted to come stay with me.... I thought he was def not gonna make the trip because he said he was about to leave his studio session in MIA... but 45 min later he was up the street! I was sooo excited! He was tired as all hell... and you know- He just wanted to hold me all night... I felt so special! and then he stayed at my place until 11:00... I gave him my key and he brought it back to me at work...

We talked for a long time when he came to visit! And it was good conversation! He explained the different things he had planned for he weeks to come so I could be more aware of his itinerary... He will be on the road a bit over the next couple weeks and then off to Germany after my birthday.... So I'm trying to get in all the quality time I can! I have those plans for his birthday but we shall see how that plays out....

He will be in the same town as M-Hoe who I personally don't like since she couldn't let it go when he tried to tell her he just wanted to be friends.... I asked if he would be seeing her and he said recently he was in the same area as her and didn't see her.... that he will not be seeing her and thats that. He said I play a part of that and that he also doesn't want to be anything like that with her.... So i feel better about it. He said it's cute that I'm jealous and when I told him I'M NOT! he said "ok- you're not jealous... you're Elis, the sister of Jealous! he thinks he's so funny! lol- I had to remind him that he got to see my loyalties when I was with Rob so he feels good about it.... but I have to ask him these things since I don't know how he is.... He said he understood but that he still thinks it's "cute" that I'm Jealous Elis! lol..... That's my baby! Every funny, annoying, loving, goofy, and understanding part of him! and - I love it ALL

Memorial Day Weekend!

OK- so here's he story- Friday night we went to Barchetta's and totally brought the house down! My girls and I were the HOTTEST thing in the place and EVERYone (including my fav DJ and News Anchor's) made sure we had the ROYAL treatment! Mz Fabulous totally got passes for the pretty rick event and the damn thing was JOKE! So- Mz Lee's man is part of the group and dropped his phone! Mz Kay innocently stumbled on to it and couldn't wait to show me! I was so torn.... but we decided that despite how we feel about her,.... we should do the right thing and return it because that's what we would want..... So Mz Kay went up to him and said she wanted to return it, he asked where she found it... she told him and then he asked for her number..... she told him she was off the market and he said he was too but that he STILL wanted the number.... she was disgusted and quickly left but after we thought about how she should have told him that because she knows his girl,... that wouldn't be right.... LMAO! Turns out she is getting treated the way she treats others.... it's not funny... actually its sad.... but somehow- it's feeling like justice.

Saturday night we celebrated MA's birthday which later turned into a disaster.... lets just say.... J-Mo came out in full effect!

Sunday we went to a beach spa with Activator (our new friend from Friday night) and it was soooo much fun.... at the end of the day everyone was mad at Mz Kay and I for not going to the beach cook out but hey- I'm too pissed with the whole crew to even care right now... I spoke to Brother bear and he's OK with me so that's all I care about....

Mr Mayo is totally up my butt and I'm almost ready to bust out and kick some reality into him..... I told him flat out that we couldn't be together and he didn't get it.... had the NERVE (knowing I'm with Whoa) to ask me to go away with him for a weekend for my birthday... I told him that we are JUST friends and nothing more and that if I could create a visual I can see myself going down a path and I just don't see him and I together on it- EVER..... yet still he thinks I'm playing.... God didn't give me THAT much patients..... I have a HUGE heart- but damn! I can't take much more of this crap.....

Last night Whoa came to visit me (SURPRISE!!!!!) everyone was there and Mr. Mayo was clearly MAD but knew he couldn't say SHIT to me.... But Whoa jumped out his car- threw on his shoes.... ran up to me while i was jumping up and down cus I was happy to see him , picked me up and ran around the parking lot screaming "my baby misssssees meeee!" lol.... it was a great moment! we listened to his next single and I fell in love with it already! This one is a hit! and the CD is on point... I'm sooo proud of him! he spent the night and we both went to work late... lol... just really loved talking and spending time.... we are supposed to go to the movies this week and have lunch on a diff day this week too.... I hope that happens! AND..... last night I told him that I love him..... but he was sleeping.... so I don't know if he heard me... lol... this morning he said it when he was leaving and kissing me goodbye..... ;)

WALK the damn TALK

I decided it was time to "walk my talk"..... being real... I talk a lot about supporting my man and understanding where he is in life and wanting him to focus.... yet I still fall in my pit holes of insecurity and become the naggy lil girl they talk about not wanting to deal with.... They never see that side of me but I feel it and it's horrible- I am my own worst enemy.... so I decided to be grown with it.... I stoped calling pointlessly,... stopped emailing and texting to "please call" and I am only speaking when I need to.... I'm allowing him to miss me and to WANT to answer the phone if I call because it MUST be important....

So last night I wrote Whoa this:

"5 things.... about u"

1. When ur realllllly tired- u snore the second u fall asleep- and it's cute

2. I love that u kinda talk in circles that make perfect sense when ur excited about something

3. When ur making a point- u talk with your hands like they can feel ur words

4. U hate to disappoint- so even if it hurts and upsets u, u do everything u can not to

5. When u kiss me- sometimes I open my eyes cuz I love to watch u love me...

There are just a few thing I think of when I think of you... I hope you miss me this much!Love you babes....xox


And he simply responded "I love you"... See.... Whoa has always been able to be more out going and say exactly what he feels... I'm more guarded..... he says "love ya" and "I love you" mean two different things..... To this point he has always SAID I love you but written Love ya.... but now I think he is really appreciating me and the little things about me.... like the fact that I NOTICE his little quirks and I understand his upside-down- crazy-randomness that makes no sense yet complete sense all at the same time....

I get it because that's WHO I am too.... I know I'm a bit much at times... and as much as I like to pretend I don't care what other people say- It DOES affect me.... But I was reading something Beyonce said when asked about denying her and J were married.... she said:

“I don’t deny it (the wedding). I just don’t talk about it. We’ve never talked about us and it’s kind of protected our relationship. I think it’s kept us out of tabloid drama. A lot of actresses that have had successful relationships don’t talk about them, so neither do I.”

And I think that she def has her mind right..... I don't need to tell people (friends) when I see him, where we go and what we do..... it drives them NUTS not to know or see anything.... Kinda like it drives "us" nuts not to know the dish about J and B but hey- THEY are happy and that's all they care about so.... all I need to care about is me and Whoa....

And for the record- I Love who I am when I'm with him, I love how I feel and I love how we are together..... I love that we can talk about politics, movies, food, our day, work, life/death, "friends" history and everything that comes to mind... I love that we play fight and wrestle...And I love that he looks me in the eye when we fight, he doesn't walk away or yell or cuss or belittle my opinion... so despite it all.... I want this to work and I'm gonna do what I can....

The run down....

So,... this past week has been a roller coaster for me and seemed to only be spiralling DOWN...... Wed and Thurs Whoa made plans with me..... BOTH days he had to cancel.... Then Friday he asked me to go to an early breakfast to make up for it all..... Well loooong story short- he wound up not coming until 12 and then decided to go to the DMV first..... which had me BLOWN! I was soooo upset cuz I felt like "DAMN! do u even care?".... I called and was stressed and tired of waiting to go to lunch with him because he might cancel again and I was just not having that... so i left for lunch on my own..... he called me 3 min after I left my job and was like "Babyyyy,..... Something just came up and I can't make lunch today...." My blood was boiling and I flipped the hell out! I told him he was selfish and just doesn't care about how I feel...... I was crying and then he was like.... "wait....no no no!!!! Baby, don't cry!!!! I was playing- I'm at ur job now! I'm sitting out here for real!" He came to meet up with me and I was not able to get myself together in time.... so he saw the tears..... We went to eat and talk.... My hunger was GONE! and we had a long sit down..... I asked him how he would feel if I said i couldn't do this with him anymore.... if he would even care.... He got sad instantly and asked if that's what I'm saying.... I told him no but how would he feel.... he said he would be hurt and that he just can't let me go.... that I'm so important to him and he doesn't mean to do the things he does... that sometimes I just have to stop him and make him realize what he's doing..... He said not to worry or cry cuz everything with us is good and we are fine and that I don't need to stress..... after talking about "us" for what seemed like an hour.... we got in the car and talked about politics and random news and updates in the world.... he stopped and said... "this is why I have always liked you- because we can always talk about every and anything....." and I agree.... not many guys can make me laugh when I'm crying..... But he said through all his stress he hasn't lost his sense of humor and he's glad cuz that's what's getting him through..... He's a really good guy..... He said he only wants to be with me and he knows this and that he knows he's the only person I'm with..... He still doesn't wanna do the title thing.... and I'm trying to relax on it for a lil while..... We both played hookie for a few hours and stole some precious moments for "US"..... it was good and I was happy

Sat Whoa was supposed to come see me and bring me the gift he got me.... He called and woke me up at 10 in the morning and said he was trying to get things together and figure out what time he was coming..... I was so excited that I didn't have to remind him.... he said Friday that he is not gonna just SAY he's gonna change... he's gonna do it- so this was good..... he never came tho and it was a rough evening.... it was the 20th b-day of my home girl who passed away 2 years ago..... so the whole crew got together and chilled and drank and --- oh! CRAZZZZY girl on girl action= AKA wound up makin out with Brother Bears GF ( MA) not sure if he saw but if he did.... I guess he liked it cuz he sure didn't stop it..... Mr Mayo also started to get emotional cuz he drank wayyyy too much (as always) and J-mo was pissed so he told him the truth about me not ending up with Mr Mayo and that he should start to move on.... harsh perhaps but true nonethleless AND not news cuz I have told him so many times....

Yesterday (Sunday) he text to tell me that he had spent the night in the hospital because his best friend was there... he said he didn't get any sleep and he was stressed cuz everything was crazy and he would call..... I felt so bad cuz I know it sucks to have a friend in the hospital.... so I'm waiting patiently....

Last night J-mo Said he didn't think me and Whoa would last.... I was so upset I almost cried but I got a grip and he never saw me get emotional.... I just had to be quiet for a while so I could keep composure.... Mz Brown jumped to my defense just for the WAY he says things and I think she was watching my face drop when he was talking... He didn't mean to hurt my feelings.... And I'm not sure why I need to keep listening to people anyway... I guess I just want to know I'm doing the right thing.....

When I say "I do"

So, I created a page....

http://elysemoh.googlepages.com/whenisay"ido"

It's just something I'm working on.... most girls have lil scrap books of their perfect wedding.... they work on it their whole lives... but I just recently realized marriage is something I hope to one day share with someone.... And so, I wanted to create this page in order to gather my ideas and thoughts.....

It makes me happy to think about....


****SIDEBAR****

Ok so I was minding my own business when Hammer wrote me this morning... He wanted to know who I write my away messages to cuz I have so much going on in them.... lol... I was taken back by the fact that he bothers to read them at all..... and then I was tickled that he cared enough about it to ASK who they were directed to... lol... We chatted for a bit and then I said.... Well, I hope you have a great day! Perhaps sometime I'll cross your mind again and you'll smile" and he quickly said "What do u mean u never left them".... I smiled at that.... Funny, he seems to kinda miss me a lil sometimes.... Every guy I have ever delt with has hurt me... And once I leave.... Every guy with the exception of ONE has tried to "come back" and or realized what he had just when I'm gone.... LOL- I am glad for it... Glad that he cares because I still do... Glad that he spoke because I want to make sure he knows the lines of communication between us are open... and at the very least...... I wana always have him in my life....

Drama!

So,.... this past week I have not been myself,... Or maybe I was a lil too much myself and not enough of who I have been trying to be (A better more mature me) Whoa has been caught in the studio and he's almost done with his album,..... But I was so lonely it's not even funny.... I got stuck chillen with my X-BFF and dealing with more drama then I bargained for this week...

Slim busted Delanie in her lip "by accident" TWICE! I wanted to go over there and pop him real good just for that! She was drunk Sat night when he did it and couldn't remember much so he said he was pointing at her when he was mad and "accidentally" hit her.... but her whole head was throbbing on top of the fact that her mouth was bleeding (both top and bottom lip split) so she started putting it all together and realized he hit her more than once..... so clearly- the only accident was in him getting caught! She has to go to court with him in a few weeks cuz his CRAZY X keyed their cars... so she doesn't wanna leave him "yet".... Of course she couldn't tell her mom that on mother's day so she told ppl I was swinging a chain and she walked into it.... WTF?!?! I helped her make up a lie so she could avoid the drama but it def had nothing to do with ME being the one to bust her face! I dunno- I have to let her see him for what he is on her own... But his baggage and insecurities are a BIG HUGE GIANT PROBLEM! She said "he feels really bad about it and was crying and said he would never do it again and that he couldn't believe he did it at all" I say that sounds like CLASSIC BULL*ish to me! Having been hit before by a guy who thought doing it in public was "kool"- And then watching it happen to my friends and cousins.... I have no sympathy for these guys... Frankly, I wish someone would bust their lips and throw them around and knock the wind out of them so they can understand what it feels like!

I met this guy- "Doc" on Friday when I went to the club...... I know- so against my policy but what the hell.... I was tired of being alone and he wanted to talk..... Any way, he's 6'3", 23 years old, works at the hospital, in school to be in the medical field.... lives with his fam, great smile, good conversationalist, has an 8 PACK!!! lol.... and he is going to be in his first fashion show this month so I'm excited for him..... he's totally into me right now but I'm feeling it out as who he is as a person.....

I found out that I have fallen for Whoa when I THOUGHT I had lost him- I mean totally..... And it's scaring me a lil.... I'm not ready to get hurt again..... and when I didn't hear from him for a couple days this week I thought he had moved on from me.... I felt hurt and betrayed and alone.... I felt like he just up and left me.... there was this HUGE hole in my heart and I couldn't really deal.... Loving him is making me incapable of living my life.... So in order to take my mind off it I conversed with Doc.... I know I know.... digging my hole right? Well,.... My heart hurts and there are no pills that make it stop.... The best I can do is to occupy my time..... Yesterday Whoa said he loves me (again) and that he misses me and yada yada.... I believe him.... Its just- I have been down a similar path before and I'm terrified to do it to myself again.... I don't plan on anything popping off with Doc because of my feelings for Whoa and Whoa is STILL the man I WANT in my life.... but it's nice to have a friend I can hang with.... That's all I want right now... and while it's shallow and selfish... I guess it helps that he likes me....

Saturday night AKA got to play "Drunk" after just one cup and blamed it on not eating...... she had a sandwhich that day and nothing else.... Well, personally, sometimes I eat that much for the day too and Liq would affect you more drastically but..... then she ate 2 pancakes and got WORSE..... it was not making sense at all... I think she just wanted to get some attention- mission accomplished! She threw herself around and I mean all on the floor and the pretended to pass out like 15 times..... Really bad acting though cuz I didn't buy it and neither did Mr Mayo...

Mz Fabulous FINALLY brought her boy toy around and they are too cute! I totally LOVE IT! Sad that Mr Mayo acted a bit of an ass and she clearly was uncomfortable but I told her not to worry and not to let anyone F up her Mo-Jo cuz they were cute and he is really nice!

C-Pooh got engaged...... Friday he officially popped the question... I'm not sad because I want him.... because I really don't... But I'm sad that I don't have a ring on my finger... I'm sad that even HE (king of the whores, Mr. never gonna get married) is getting closer to what I want... Having a life time commitment. And part of me can't help but wonder if my time will EVER come.... I mean she is controlling, bipolar, evil and vindictive cheater..... and he asked HER?? what about the ones like me? The faithful ones who actually care more about other ppl than themselves..... the good girls! I guess we finish last too huh?

I just want to get myself together right now.... and say to hell with all this extra randomness! things really sucked this past week and they say when it gets so bad u think it can't get any worse.... the only way things can get is BETTER! So I'm looking forward to my "better" moment and hopefully God will be opening that window soon.... the one he always opens when all the doors get closed in your face.... I'm waiting....

Random Saddness

I'm not sure what all this is about really but recently I have been going through something... I have these random bouts of feeling sad.... like nothing is going right.... It doesn't last too long... but I'm just not enjoying it.... I guess maybe I just really miss Whoa... and I only have to wait a few more days until he is here but I get so upset when I think about the fact that even that is not really for sure until it happens. I am trying to remember that life is just like that and that I should appreciate feeling sad somethings because it makes the good times so much better but STILL- I just can't seem to shake it...


Well I will be going out tonight to celebrate with my friends for the graduation..... I'm not too happy right now but we shall see...... should be an interesting night.....