He's Back- I'm Lost...

OMG!!!! I was busy at work- working!!! DUH! ... praying that HAmmer's screen name would STAY signed off so that if he wasn't talking to me at least I knew he wasn't talking to everyone else.... but at the same time, wishing he WOULD sign on so that the possibility of communication was there...

Suddenly, I heard HIM sign on (he has his own special sound lol) followed by "HEY" - Hammer was Backkk!! And all at once I was angry as hell, Happier than I ever thought I could be and SICK.... I almost threw up my whole stomach!

Turns out he was in Oklahoma helping his sis- he is completely oblivious to the fact that I have not slept right in a week and a half worrying about him and stressed into tears! I love him so much.... but I'm hurt that he would just disappear like that and not tell me.... Then again... part of me says "STOP BEING SO DAMN SELFISH!" because I know he handles things different than me.... he is very introverted.... if something is wrong he shuts down and fixes it.... when all is well again he comes back to earth.....I should accept that..... but I just have a hard time with it....

OMG! I feel so bad.... but relieved... I am a walking contradiction! What do I do? I can't think straight right now.... I feel like he abandonded me when I needed him most... he just wasn't there for me... and at that very moment he wouldn't even let me in to his situation.... But the thing is... he doesn't even know he did it.... how could he? I never said so.... And whose fault is that? MINE! More over.... I asked if I will be seeing him soon ... he said yes,... that he's setting something up and he's going to GA in a few days.....

***Friday is our 9 month anniversary and Sunday is his Birthday***