Thoughts....

So after the C-pooh planning session (and his surprise guest) I realized that some ppl just don't change.... He's smoking daily now.... what started out as a once in a while thing seems to be the only way he can get through the day.... He is so happy when I see him.... like a little kid- and it feels good- like the old fun loving C-pooh I used to know and at one time loved..... Now here we are almost 6 years in and he seems to be lost..... I'm not sure what happened but I have an idea. I think we all have a little share in the blame game of "who changed".... It was a mix of "him and her"- "mine and ours".... It may have come from one place (C-pooh) but not one of us is a victim without at some point being the one to victimise... And I feel bad that we must ignore the big pink elephant in order to function. Oh well,.... not my problem I guess.... Not anymore.

Last night I went to sleep and Whoa called me at 4:00- said he was in bed but couldn't sleep cuz he was busy thinking about me.... LOL... He had a "hard time" relaxing with all the tension.... So I put him at ease and after 15 min he was off to sleep.... That's my baby! I love the fact that he calls just to hear my voice.... That he calls me "baby" (a term of endearment) rather than "my first name" all the time because it makes me feel like there is feeling.... he doesn't call females outside of their names like other guys because most females who call his phone work for him.... so that's a first name thing all the way... He puts me at ease... And I'm beginning to depend on him for that....

I hope we can become more solid in the weeks to come.... That would be great! I'm just not interested in "random dates" these days.... I like having ONE person to go out with and ONE person to invite places... I LIKE getting to miss someone special and the great feeling of anticipation I get when I know we are going to meet up.... He certainly has a way of making me feel like I'm irreplaceable :)