She's Single Again...

So.... Delanie and Slim made it 3 months ( not a very happy and healthy 3 months) but 3 nonetheless...... until this week,.... he went through her phone, FWD all the text messages to his phone and after studying them called her over to confess and confront her... She was pissed, while she wanted him to do it for weeks, she didn't want him to do it the way he did.... He was mean and clearly trying to make himself feel better...

She isn't sad really but then- who would be.... truth is that he beat her ass, became very needy, demanded to keep tabs on where she was and put her in a tiny box which she just didn't want to fit in.... She is my girl but she is not blameless in all this either- she definitely should not have played with fire! I told her to get out when he layed his hand on her and she didn't listen.... i told her to leave when the baby mama drama became physical, I told her to leave when she realized that everything about him was making her sick or mad..... but we all learn in our own time.....

So now she is "happy", tainted, but "happy" and I fully support her decision to just do her.... I think that she wanted something because everyone around her wanted it for her.... we all just wanted her to be happy but maybe right now her happiness is not going to be found within a relationship,.... maybe she needs to celebrate her first relationship- the most important one- the one with herself.

J-Mo and Mz Kay are doing very well these days.... J-Mo just celebrated his 26th B-day and is very happy that he will be getting married to his "dream girl" in less than 1 year! Mz Kay is still deciding on a lot and working on the save the dates which we will HOPEFULLY have done by the end of this month!

Mr Mayo is going to be returning from his vacation to Peru

As for Whoa and I- we are doing well I think.... Still a struggle to stay out of my own baggage but he is helping me see that maybe, just MAYBE, I'm not doomed to be lonely for the rest of my life! lol.... and maybe all men aren't the same.... Hmmm,... I am still not willing to completely succumb to this DREAM of mine but maybe he'll stick around long enough to make me want to..... I don't NEED the wedding bells right now... but I do still feel a strong need for a serious relationship that I can grow in and with..... And I so want this to be it!

Drama!

So,.... this past week I have not been myself,... Or maybe I was a lil too much myself and not enough of who I have been trying to be (A better more mature me) Whoa has been caught in the studio and he's almost done with his album,..... But I was so lonely it's not even funny.... I got stuck chillen with my X-BFF and dealing with more drama then I bargained for this week...

Slim busted Delanie in her lip "by accident" TWICE! I wanted to go over there and pop him real good just for that! She was drunk Sat night when he did it and couldn't remember much so he said he was pointing at her when he was mad and "accidentally" hit her.... but her whole head was throbbing on top of the fact that her mouth was bleeding (both top and bottom lip split) so she started putting it all together and realized he hit her more than once..... so clearly- the only accident was in him getting caught! She has to go to court with him in a few weeks cuz his CRAZY X keyed their cars... so she doesn't wanna leave him "yet".... Of course she couldn't tell her mom that on mother's day so she told ppl I was swinging a chain and she walked into it.... WTF?!?! I helped her make up a lie so she could avoid the drama but it def had nothing to do with ME being the one to bust her face! I dunno- I have to let her see him for what he is on her own... But his baggage and insecurities are a BIG HUGE GIANT PROBLEM! She said "he feels really bad about it and was crying and said he would never do it again and that he couldn't believe he did it at all" I say that sounds like CLASSIC BULL*ish to me! Having been hit before by a guy who thought doing it in public was "kool"- And then watching it happen to my friends and cousins.... I have no sympathy for these guys... Frankly, I wish someone would bust their lips and throw them around and knock the wind out of them so they can understand what it feels like!

I met this guy- "Doc" on Friday when I went to the club...... I know- so against my policy but what the hell.... I was tired of being alone and he wanted to talk..... Any way, he's 6'3", 23 years old, works at the hospital, in school to be in the medical field.... lives with his fam, great smile, good conversationalist, has an 8 PACK!!! lol.... and he is going to be in his first fashion show this month so I'm excited for him..... he's totally into me right now but I'm feeling it out as who he is as a person.....

I found out that I have fallen for Whoa when I THOUGHT I had lost him- I mean totally..... And it's scaring me a lil.... I'm not ready to get hurt again..... and when I didn't hear from him for a couple days this week I thought he had moved on from me.... I felt hurt and betrayed and alone.... I felt like he just up and left me.... there was this HUGE hole in my heart and I couldn't really deal.... Loving him is making me incapable of living my life.... So in order to take my mind off it I conversed with Doc.... I know I know.... digging my hole right? Well,.... My heart hurts and there are no pills that make it stop.... The best I can do is to occupy my time..... Yesterday Whoa said he loves me (again) and that he misses me and yada yada.... I believe him.... Its just- I have been down a similar path before and I'm terrified to do it to myself again.... I don't plan on anything popping off with Doc because of my feelings for Whoa and Whoa is STILL the man I WANT in my life.... but it's nice to have a friend I can hang with.... That's all I want right now... and while it's shallow and selfish... I guess it helps that he likes me....

Saturday night AKA got to play "Drunk" after just one cup and blamed it on not eating...... she had a sandwhich that day and nothing else.... Well, personally, sometimes I eat that much for the day too and Liq would affect you more drastically but..... then she ate 2 pancakes and got WORSE..... it was not making sense at all... I think she just wanted to get some attention- mission accomplished! She threw herself around and I mean all on the floor and the pretended to pass out like 15 times..... Really bad acting though cuz I didn't buy it and neither did Mr Mayo...

Mz Fabulous FINALLY brought her boy toy around and they are too cute! I totally LOVE IT! Sad that Mr Mayo acted a bit of an ass and she clearly was uncomfortable but I told her not to worry and not to let anyone F up her Mo-Jo cuz they were cute and he is really nice!

C-Pooh got engaged...... Friday he officially popped the question... I'm not sad because I want him.... because I really don't... But I'm sad that I don't have a ring on my finger... I'm sad that even HE (king of the whores, Mr. never gonna get married) is getting closer to what I want... Having a life time commitment. And part of me can't help but wonder if my time will EVER come.... I mean she is controlling, bipolar, evil and vindictive cheater..... and he asked HER?? what about the ones like me? The faithful ones who actually care more about other ppl than themselves..... the good girls! I guess we finish last too huh?

I just want to get myself together right now.... and say to hell with all this extra randomness! things really sucked this past week and they say when it gets so bad u think it can't get any worse.... the only way things can get is BETTER! So I'm looking forward to my "better" moment and hopefully God will be opening that window soon.... the one he always opens when all the doors get closed in your face.... I'm waiting....

Dinner Party

Last night Delanie, Slim, Kid Sister, GiGi, and Whoa came over.... AFTER Smart Guy and KY left... lol... I made dinner (which everyone loved) Mz Kay had some too and she said it was good so I'm going with that! lol.. Whoa was HAPPY AS HELL and wanted seconds and thirds... lol...How cute! We had (for my first time in a long time) "couple" time.... where we all chilled in the living room and talked while Delanie was hugged up on Slim and Whoa was hugged up on me.... I was so happy..... = )

Whoa decided to stay over since he now has a TOOTHBRUSH at my place and he had to get his hair done first thing this morning up here so it made sense.... He wanted to stay up ALL night talking.... We played "TOTAL HONESTY" lol.... and boy was that "HOT" seat HOTTTT!!! lol He asked how I felt about him, Told me his intentions, and shared some intimate details without me having to push for it.... He couldn't stop touching me... lol... not in a disrespectful way but hugging me, playing with my hair, kissing my shoulders and back and he gave me a back rub till I fell asleep!! All this while TALKING! about things that MATTER! he actually cut off the TV in the middle of a movie to TALK! I was in shock... I never get that much attention unless I'm the one begging for it... And here he is just willing to give it to me....

He asked me to go pick out furniture for his condo with him.... Apparently its kinda bare since he's not there much lately..... but he wants my "touch" so I'm more than willing to help. He gave me complete power last night... There is one female friend he has who likes him.... he cut everyone else off but he likes their friendship.... he said he would never disrespect me and she knows about me cuz he always brings me up..... BUT if I were to become uncomfortable with it he is willing to cut her off too... I think it's good that he is so honest and open about it... I don't wana tell him to stop being her friend-they barely even talk now and... friends are good! I LOVE mine and some of them like me too so how fair would that be? But at least he is catering to how I feel instead of telling me I need to just deal cuz they are friends.... This is helping me to trust him!

We got up this morning and it was so nice.... Waking up next to someone who looks at you like even with the messy hair, eye bugers, and pillow marks on your face- YOU ARE GORGEOUS! He waited for me to finish my shower and chilled for a min then he left and I got dressed for work...... Morning kisses... Love 'em!