"I just need to be alone..."

After spending such magical time with Whoa last week I was excited to think of the NEXT time we would share.... Thursday and Friday we had plans but those fell through and I have learned to go with it... It's crazy cuz I don't feel horrible anymore- I just know that when things don't work out he always seems to find a way to make it up to me.... We were talking Thursday after I got signed to that management team- He was really happy for me and I was please with my damn self! LOL but our "walk on the beach with ice cream" date was just not fitting in the schedule and it didn't look good for Friday either.... I was a lil sad cuz he was supposed to be going out of town to Ft Myers where M-Hoe lives and was supposed to have 2 shows there so needless to say I was a bit unhappy- come Friday night I had decided to have a lil faith and he called me.... He asked where I was and I told him home... He asked me (with disbelief in his voice) "Why are you home on a Friday night?" and I told him my jaw was finally not hurting and I wanted to get some sleep... He said he really wanted to talk to me about some stuff but that he had to call me right back..... When I woke up again it was 5:00 a.m. so I text him.... By sat morning he text me back:

"I'm feeling a bit depressed... I'm not totally sure... I just need some time alone for a little bit to figure this out...... give me a day or two..... u can believe it or not but that's how I'm feeling.... I don't know what I'm going through.... bare with me"

So I simply text back "I'm really sorry ur feeling bad baby... If you need anything I'm here.... Everything will be alright" I decided it was best to get out of the house and went shopping with Delanie....

I decided to give him the weekend with no communication from me.... no questions or anything on my part but Saturday night he sent me an email... "I miss you sweetheart.... just thinking bout you" I text back "I love you" and left it at that..... Sunday by 3 he asked "where r u?" and I figured we were alright again.... We spoke a few hours later and he seemed really happy to be talking to me... like he really missed hearing from me... Turns out he didn't go to Fort Myers at all.... he just did his show in MIA :) But I was proud of myself for listening to and respecting what he asked for (time alone) instead of checking in on him because that's what I wanted... I'm glad he's all good and he said he's gonna tell me all about what happened tomorrow when we go check out a movie "Wanted" we are both excited to see that one!

Well after my convo with Hammer the other day- where he said he misses me and that he's coming down in July AND that I KNOW he's gonna make time to see me.... I was kinda torn..... I really wanna see him! I mean he is a kool person and I do miss him.... but I don't wanna jump in bed with him.... I just want to see him out in public to see how he is.... to catch up... OK OK OK! MAYBE I want him to see me all done up and get jealous and be a little sad about what he lost..... MAYBE part of me wants him to wish he had done things differently.... MAYBE I just want a chance to see how seeing him again will be... BUT then there's WHOA! And he has my heart.... WHOA is the one who held me at night when Hammer crushed me... WHOA is the one who listens to me and asks how I am and checks up on me.... He's the one who sleeps on my floor to make sure I'm ok and breaks tiny baby sized pieces of his sandwhiches to make sure I eat.... He has been a friend AND lover.... and I owe him respect..... I just don't know what to do.... I'm not gonna mention anything until or unless I actually see Hammer... Knowing how unreliable he is- it makes no sense to bring it up if he might not even show..... I duno what to do.....

This boyfriend girlfriend thing is a bit tricky.... but believe it or not- this is the first time I feel like we are on the same page.... I feel like he really genuinely cares about me.... and we are learning how to not only DEAL with each other but we are understanding each others needs more.... We both have our needy "pay attention to MEEEE!" moments, our "leave me alone but don't go too far" moments, and our "GRRRRR" moments.... we get it ;) And I wouldn't trade my baby for the world!

"Jealous Elis"

So, yesterday Whoa and I had made plans to go to lunch ..... in the middle of the day I sent him a picture and he wrote back to tell me how beautiful he thought I was.... I assumed he was busy so I excused him from lunch plans..... I didn't plan on seeing him again until today.... So when it was time for bed I wrote to him and told him good-night... At 2 a.m. he called me sounding half asleep saying he wanted to come stay with me.... I thought he was def not gonna make the trip because he said he was about to leave his studio session in MIA... but 45 min later he was up the street! I was sooo excited! He was tired as all hell... and you know- He just wanted to hold me all night... I felt so special! and then he stayed at my place until 11:00... I gave him my key and he brought it back to me at work...

We talked for a long time when he came to visit! And it was good conversation! He explained the different things he had planned for he weeks to come so I could be more aware of his itinerary... He will be on the road a bit over the next couple weeks and then off to Germany after my birthday.... So I'm trying to get in all the quality time I can! I have those plans for his birthday but we shall see how that plays out....

He will be in the same town as M-Hoe who I personally don't like since she couldn't let it go when he tried to tell her he just wanted to be friends.... I asked if he would be seeing her and he said recently he was in the same area as her and didn't see her.... that he will not be seeing her and thats that. He said I play a part of that and that he also doesn't want to be anything like that with her.... So i feel better about it. He said it's cute that I'm jealous and when I told him I'M NOT! he said "ok- you're not jealous... you're Elis, the sister of Jealous! he thinks he's so funny! lol- I had to remind him that he got to see my loyalties when I was with Rob so he feels good about it.... but I have to ask him these things since I don't know how he is.... He said he understood but that he still thinks it's "cute" that I'm Jealous Elis! lol..... That's my baby! Every funny, annoying, loving, goofy, and understanding part of him! and - I love it ALL

Lovely Nights....

So last night I left work and went home to change with intentions to go to the movies and see "Meet the Browns" with Whoa.... But clearly we were going to be late so we decided to do the movies on Friday and just go to dinner instead.... We wound up at Longhorn..... It was GREAT! you know.... even though I have known him for a while we STILL have these amazing conversations..... It's just so easy to talk to him. He was the perfect gentleman.... open ALL the doors (even if I got to it first) let me sit first.... Let me order first... He paid and even drove my car to and from.

It was just dinner but it was so romantic! lol..... Then we went back to the studio where he made sure to show his manager the gift I got him..... HE LOVED THE GIFT! all night he carried it around (except he left it in the car for dinner) but he made sure to thank me a million times. He felt it was thoughtful and well put together and all...... I was just happy to see how much he enjoyed it.

He showed me his video to get my opinion.... I have some nice cameos in there too! lol..... We chilled and he had me hear some of his new joints and then I left so he could have his meeting... He said he would call me after and that was at 11:00..... by 1:25 am he was calling me to say goodnight.

He recently stopped avoiding people (girls) and came out and told them that he's not talking to them because he is with ME! They are getting the point... M-hoe actually came out and asked if he was that serious.... he told her YES and deaded the conversation.... I appreciate him for that.

I got home and told J-Mo all about it..... I think he is impressed but still unsure so he is trying to question everything...... That's fine... I'm on cloud 9 with Whoa so...... I'm all good.... I love his kisses! I just can't seem to get enough! lol I would like him to hang with me and my friends this weekend... He was definately happy with himself for remembering all my friends... I was glad he cared enough to try and the fact that he actually did remember who was who and all the names..... I just have a good feeling about him.