WALK the damn TALK

I decided it was time to "walk my talk"..... being real... I talk a lot about supporting my man and understanding where he is in life and wanting him to focus.... yet I still fall in my pit holes of insecurity and become the naggy lil girl they talk about not wanting to deal with.... They never see that side of me but I feel it and it's horrible- I am my own worst enemy.... so I decided to be grown with it.... I stoped calling pointlessly,... stopped emailing and texting to "please call" and I am only speaking when I need to.... I'm allowing him to miss me and to WANT to answer the phone if I call because it MUST be important....

So last night I wrote Whoa this:

"5 things.... about u"

1. When ur realllllly tired- u snore the second u fall asleep- and it's cute

2. I love that u kinda talk in circles that make perfect sense when ur excited about something

3. When ur making a point- u talk with your hands like they can feel ur words

4. U hate to disappoint- so even if it hurts and upsets u, u do everything u can not to

5. When u kiss me- sometimes I open my eyes cuz I love to watch u love me...

There are just a few thing I think of when I think of you... I hope you miss me this much!Love you babes....xox


And he simply responded "I love you"... See.... Whoa has always been able to be more out going and say exactly what he feels... I'm more guarded..... he says "love ya" and "I love you" mean two different things..... To this point he has always SAID I love you but written Love ya.... but now I think he is really appreciating me and the little things about me.... like the fact that I NOTICE his little quirks and I understand his upside-down- crazy-randomness that makes no sense yet complete sense all at the same time....

I get it because that's WHO I am too.... I know I'm a bit much at times... and as much as I like to pretend I don't care what other people say- It DOES affect me.... But I was reading something Beyonce said when asked about denying her and J were married.... she said:

“I don’t deny it (the wedding). I just don’t talk about it. We’ve never talked about us and it’s kind of protected our relationship. I think it’s kept us out of tabloid drama. A lot of actresses that have had successful relationships don’t talk about them, so neither do I.”

And I think that she def has her mind right..... I don't need to tell people (friends) when I see him, where we go and what we do..... it drives them NUTS not to know or see anything.... Kinda like it drives "us" nuts not to know the dish about J and B but hey- THEY are happy and that's all they care about so.... all I need to care about is me and Whoa....

And for the record- I Love who I am when I'm with him, I love how I feel and I love how we are together..... I love that we can talk about politics, movies, food, our day, work, life/death, "friends" history and everything that comes to mind... I love that we play fight and wrestle...And I love that he looks me in the eye when we fight, he doesn't walk away or yell or cuss or belittle my opinion... so despite it all.... I want this to work and I'm gonna do what I can....