Ask, and yee shall receive...

As we know- I have been trying to figure out my next move... Isn't it funny that when you are going through something everything seems to touch on that subject a little? Well, Church has been focused partially on "daring to Pray BIG" my pastor made a great point that we tend to be "safe" and pray these wimpy little prayers... Prayers that are not heart felt, not truly what we need.... we ask things in general and not case specific... But God is GREAT and can do ANYTHING... therefore, we should dare to Pray BIG... not safe! I asked for help and I have been asking..... I asked to be pointed in the "right" direction.... So I wrote Boss Man from the Art dept I work with- It's slow season so I wasn't sure how well the news would be received... I told him that I will be a full time student and that I hope this allows me a chance to work more with his team.... HE WROTE BACK! He told me to write him again next week!!! that he has a possible job for me coming up the first week of August! I am so happy! Even though this is not set in stone... It has only been 4 days since the news and the door is opening!!! I don't want to get too excited yet but I can't help but be thankful for this bit of help God is sending my way.... Tomorrow I will be reaching out to other resources and seeing if I can get any feedback from them....

Today's service was GREAT! I got my cousin to come with me and she instantly fell in love with it as I did.... It feels so good to be around family and today I spent the WHOLE day with her and my Brother.... I feel like I'm growing.... and hopefully I'm able to touch those around me.....

Flash Forward!

This past Friday, Whoa surprised me at my job and asked me to go to Orlando with him.... jut to get away... I was so excited! I AM so excited! Saturday we didn't see each other but he made sure to send me plenty of love via our text/Email..... "I love you" and checking in on me through the day made me feel great! He made his way to my house for some QT mid-day yesterday after I went to see JD (my cousin) we talked and chilled and this chick always makes me laugh till it hurts.... Whoa said he just wanted to see me since we hadn't spent a lot of time together over the weekend.... And our time together was perfect..... Although not long enough for me- but then- it never really is....

Tomorrow JD's lil sis (my baby cousin) Bree will be graduating from high school so we are all going to make sure we act a fool to celebrate the LAST of the M-5 clan growing up.... I have to say- this will be sad but so exciting- we have all come so far from where we were.... it wasn't always easy, pretty , or nice...... but we did it- we made it! After seeing so many people in my life leave, fall off the path, and pass away.... I am so glad that I still have all my family! Now I know I gotta get cracking on my degree so I can set the example! I just need to finish up already.

I started getting the Panic Attacks again last night... I settled myself before it got too bad but..... I woke up this morning with it too.... Part of me feels odd about writing these diary entries all the time but the other part of me is so glad to have this..... I had a dream Saturday night..... In it I died in a fire and didn't even know it.... I was walking around as if nothing had happened... I thought I had escaped the fire until I was trying to talk to people and no one could hear or see me.... Then my cousins saw me and they look scared of me.... It finally dawned on me when they told me that I had died.... I suppose I had unfinished business and that's why I was able to remain on earth- I saw my mom and friends...... some friends couldn't see me.... I realized that only people who TRULY LOVED me could see me.... I guess it was supposed to be an eye opening experience where I would see how significant I am to some and not to others.

The dream scared me because a few times I woke up and when I would fall asleep again it was as if the dream picked up where I left off.... I had to finish it.... The truth is that a lot of my dreams actually come true in some form and that's what freaked me out.... I feel like I need to say something.... but I need a little time to wrap my thoughts around it all.....