Jealous much?

CB and I have been chatting... Not that we shouldn't be but I stopped txting and calling a while ago and now it is CB who must reach out to me! And he is! Good convo- not letting it go on for too long... just long enough to stay light and fun. As well Boo and I have been talking and all is looking good for our date tomorrow. He seems as excited as me! lol- Crazy right! BUT- this morning Kbb decided to ask me when I am going to be his GIRL FRIEND! I had to find a way to dodge that bullet because while I have known him for a few months, I am just now starting this team thing out and I really need to explore things- For myself. This time I am not thinking about a guy and what he wants and when he is ready and I am focused on me and what I need. I think this will help me weed out those who only want a play play thing... If they are willing to wait- they might be worth my time.

Kbb likes to act like I am SO important to him but at the end of the day I know he is looking out for himself. I went out the other night and txt him about some guy who was bothering me... He got really jealous which i didn't expect and he actually said to me... "If you were dancing with another guy I would be pissed".... yuh... Rediculous I think because I am grown and there is no ring on my finger PLUS- when he goes out I am SURE he dances with chicks.... so ya. But either way... I am refusing anything serious right now and just chillin- If he can handle that he has a place on my team.... If not- well,... he will have cut himself.

Like a BOY...

I decided to play this out totally opposite of how I would,... My last chance went to CB.. He plays ball and was the sweetest guy from the moment I met him... we went out every day for 2 weeks, we laughed together 90% of the time and since he is from home town I figured it might be worth a shot- he met my friends and I met his... Fam too... It was fast but we had so little time. I realized that despite the actions, effort, and time.... This guy was much like the rest... he got caught in two lies along the way and that's when I knew... He tweeted his location when he told me he was out of town... He was here for about 36 more hours and lied about it. Childish and uncalled for really, but I digress... CB also made plans with me before that and cancelled because he was on "South Beach" LIES! lol- CB, really now? I know where U were... and we were in the SAME area.... not cool... So extra! lol- But I'm not mad... and CB remains unaware of what I know as well as HOW. My point here is that I am too smart for that. I will always know more than they think I do and unlike most, I have learned that you never name ur sources. Ladies, This is a CARDINAL RULE! Men are built to adapt and if you let them know how they got caught, they will simply switch it up making the NEXT time (and there will be a next time) harder for you to catch!

I decided to play it like a boy. Stop chasing romance, fantasizing about a fairy tale, STOP dwelling on the idea of love... don't get me wrong, I still believe in LOVE and all that it is... I just know it is rare and when you are lucky enough to have the REAL thing, you must cherish it always.

So here is the game plan. I have a "team". There is a roster and each player is to remain unaware of the other. Not in a sneaky way, simply in a non clingy, less emotional, I don't owe you anything type of way. This allows for less competition and lies and more clarity on my part. The first rule is NO SEX! I know what you are thinking.... NO GONNA HAPPEN lol but it will.... I still have my "designated BF" (Mr S) who is much less bf and much more "companion" and this keeps it SAFE. The goal here is to protect myself.

The second rule is no emotional ties... so I cant spend too much one on one time with one person too frequently... I know me best and I don't want to choose favs already! lol So far a few have made the team... CB because I like him, he's fun, and until I lose interest... He's not cut- just on the bench. Then there is Boo. He is really smart, super fine, and we have a lot in common. Dinner was great and totally a blind date- which has never worked out for me before so I am interested. Next is Kbb and he's a sweetie... He says he has made up his mind about me and I'm "IT" but uh,... I'm sure he's just caught up right now...

Let's see... They are all calling me.... and another recruit is trying to get on the team,.... I'm raising the bar... SO- We shall see.

Wow... what an update!

Sooo,... Things are moving but they are CRAZY!!! Let's start with Whoa and I... still going and these past few weeks have been a challenge.... ever since I got my puppy Halo I just have not felt so needy.... but it made me think about my life.... and what I deserve and what I am willing to put up with... I call this.. "the BIG evaluation" lol... We got into it after Mz Kay's Bday party and I was ready to QUIT... for real... I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore... I think he sensed that because he asked me to go to therapy with him... I was THROWN! I never heard of a guy WANTING that... but then I think he didn't expect me to be willing.. I made the plans though and this week Friday morning at 9 we have our first session! This should be good! Either way this goes, At least I will have some answers finally.... I told him to start thinking about how he feels about everything.... The funny thing is that now he is calling me just to tell me he loves me (which he was doing but not so much of before) and he is planning a trip for us at the end of this month! I have been begging him to go out of town with me and gave up when he stood me up the last time... so it will be nice if he actually mean s it this time.

As for the film... I have been doing so much for the production and finally got into it with one of the guys I work with because he thinks he knows everything.. He is older (like 45) and all he does is TALK about things... I see no action.. but that's not how I work. Less talk and more action. I want to see what you're about- not hear it! Any way the producers called me and apologized on his behalf for how he spoke to me. But I feel good cuz I put his ass in check and walked out! He needs to know I won't put up with it. I'm not here to stroke his ego! Anyway they told me to focus on my character so I'm happy! I have been running and getting in shape... I'm looking good and I have another week until I start my fight scenes so time to buckle down!

And I am going to do extra work on "burn notice" in a few weeks so I'm excited for that!

Halo has been driving me NUTS! I love her to death already but she is only 16 weeks barely and training her right now is hard... I'm working thru it with her though. She is getting better with time... So we shall see. I want to get her shaved tho because I feel bad when I take her out... she is so cute but she gets over heated quick down here.... Soon!

Hammer hit me up! He actually called to talk for a while... and we have ALWAYS talked for long periods... but always on IM or email... never really on the phone... He was never a phone guy but we are really good friends.. Anyway when he did call he just was so happy and wanted to chat and then said how great it was to talk and that next day he said he had a dream that we.... well,.... he said his dream was about how much fun we used to have and how we had done it all again... I was floored.... I don't know what to think about that. But I just wanted to put that out there. Thoughts...

I just had to take a deep breath! I needed a drink and a nice candle lit bath... I wanted to sink deeper and deeper into the bubbles and just forget everything... But then how could I? I mean there is still so much positive to think about. For one thing, I have now found out that I will be done with school by next summer! I mean I am so happy... It took me a little longer then I would have hoped because I took time off but I beat the odds... I went back and I finished! Well,.... almost. And then there is the move.. I can't wait... Not because I am unhappy here but I just want to start over... and a fresh beginning is just what the doctor ordered.

And then there is the puppy... Halo is well and I am so glad I got her.. I am still trying to catch my breath but for the most part there is not much room for second thoughts here. And for that and her I am grateful. I have decided to stop banking at BA so much because I don't like ppl being able to see what I do and where I go and I know they are looking... perhaps not often... but still.. once is too often for me and my taste!

O but then there is still so much going on with Whoa... And My head is spinning... I think when I move I will be able to take a good look at my everything and see where that leaves me...

It was a baby or a puppy! lol

So I have my heart set on a puppy.... but not just ANY puppy.... a "tea cup chihuahua" and I have done my research! I even picked out health plans and shopped around to find out that I need heating pads and a tiny bell for him/her.... I am watching all my friends have babies.. and I know it's not the right time or situation for me to go down that road.... But I can take my puppy with me wherever I go. I can get carrying purses and he/she will only weight 2 or 3 lbs when fully grown. With all that I do.... having this puppy has become a focus for me and I can't seem to shake the feeling that I REALLY want this. I have thought for a long time and I am meeting a few puppies tomorrow.... I hope to find a puppy that matches what I am looking for in the next couple weeks.
I am so excited! I know all the health precautions, have gotten numbers for emergencies and the stores for clothes,.... I have read articles on this breed and what ppl have had to say about it. I am so in love with this puppy... goodness! But then... Looking at this face... how could anyone NOT?

Lead in my first movie!!

I'm so excited! I can't believe that I was recently cast for my first movie... and I got the 2nd lead! Thats crazy! Common, Sean Paul, and spragga benz Are just a few on the roster and I am so honored to be with them! The official shoot day starts for me on May 23rd... And in a week we start rehaersals! I feel so blessed for everything coming my way. I hope this is my break and I am able to find larger roles. I had no idea this was such a passion of mine but it just comes out so naturally... I guess because I am such an emotional person already..... Who knows.... All I do know is that I want to be the next halley berry or angelina jolie! I don't care how I have to do it... but I want my face out there and I want this as a career opportunity! .... SIGH..... I am praying on this and for direction. I think I can really nail this role!

confused in questions?

So... I am sitting here in the studio with just myself and my thoughts. And to be very honest that is just the way I like to be.... I work best that way... I think best that way.... and Lord knows I have had a lot on my mind for the last few weeks.... much less the last year. It seems as though I am always doing first and then evaluating things later... I feel like I might miss out if I do as others do and spend my whole life pondering the possibilities as they pass me by... But the flip side of that might not be much better for me... I seem to find myself with a lot of regrets this way. Always wishing I had acted differently to a situation and perhaps I could have gotten a better reaction from someone... I do this thing... I ask questions. BOLD questions. And I never was this way. I used to think a lot and wonder a lot but I never asked for fear of what the reply might be. Living like that did not prevent me from having to deal with it anyway... It merely delayed to time.... which draws out the healing time. I ask Whoa what comes to mind because he gets so defensive... and part of me hopes that "next time" he will fall apart and confess what it is that he is so bothered by but that does not seem to work. At times I must say that I can no longer tell if it is in fact him that is not being honest or if I just don't trust anyone anymore... But then... I can't stop the questions from coming and so I must continue to ask... no matter how bothered... it is not like I nag.... I simply ask like a regular conversation.... what's the big frickin deal???? can someone please tell me WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT A DAMN QUESTION?????